Traditional Western medicine focuses on treating the symptoms rather than the root causes of disease. If we are depressed, we get a pill for depression. If we’re having panic attacks, we get an anxiety pill. If we have aches and pains, we get muscle relaxants and pain relievers.
How many times has your doctor asked you about your marriage? How about your stress level at work? Have you ever been asked if you are in an abusive relationship? What if you harbor resentment toward your parents, an accident you may have had years ago, or an ex-partner?
The truth is that stress and the factors that lead to stress cause many health conditions. Translation: Unforgiveness can negatively affect your health.
Dr. Joe Dispenza discusses this concept in his workshops and in his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One (2012). He says that animals about to be eaten go into fight/flight mode and 15 minutes after the life-threatening event is over, they are stable and stress-free! On the other hand, humans are so smart that we can obsess over and just think about a past event that scared us and our body instantly goes into fight/flight mode just from the thoughts. Animals live in the now. Human beings struggle to stay in the now. It is as if we are addicted to pain, tormenting ourselves over and over again. Think about it, the release of cortisol creates something similar to an adrenaline rush when we go into this mode. Perhaps we recreate these “trauma-drama” situations in our thought patterns because we are addicted to the particular rush of energy that comes with the release of cortisol?
Dr. Joe says that our bodies are literally addicted to those thoughts and sometimes the body starts responding even before the thoughts take hold! He states that meditation is a very useful tool because it moves us from our analytical mind to the subconscious mind, where change can take place. There is less resistance to change at that “alpha-theta” level and that is where miracles can happen. This is where stuck thought-emotion-body patterns can begin to break free. These ingrained thought patterns have become a belief system. Unfortunately, we are very attached to our beliefs, even the unhealthy ones.
The good news is that we know there are ways to deal with stress. Research supports lifestyle changes such as meditation, yoga, aerobic exercise, being in nature, counseling, training, and forgiveness work, all of which result in reduced stress and changing belief systems. Unfortunately, many wait until one of the three Ds occurs to make changes: death of a loved one, illness, or divorce. Then we recognize the WAKE UP call.
The Forgiveness Project, in cooperation with Cancer Treatment Centers of America, has stated that cancer and other life-altering illnesses can benefit from forgiveness. For many patients, they live in a chronic state of unforgiveness, a holding on to anger, hate, and resentment. When released, they found that immune systems are greatly enhanced.
The Stanford University Center for Disease Prevention Research found: “[w]When you hold on to bitterness for years, it keeps you from living your life fully. Turns out it wears down your immune system and damages your heart.” Fred Luskin, PhD, Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, said, “[s]Stress exacerbates pain, tenses muscles and interferes with the proper functioning of the immune system, all of which have an effect on arthritis.” He said that “[p]People think they have this unlimited storage of anger and judgment and hostility that will never come home to rest, but it comes home right away.”
If we know that forgiveness actually increases health, why do people resist forgiving?
Ask yourself, what resentment do you hold on to? Ask why you are holding on to that anger, hurt, or bitterness. See if your reason falls into one of these common myths or misperceptions about forgiveness:
1. You will set the offender free if you forgive.
2. It would mean that you somehow agree or condone their misbehavior.
3. It would mean that you have to naively trust that person again.
4. It means you have to have a relationship with that person.
5. It means you are weak.
An interesting study reported in the March 2001 journal Psychological Science shows that those who hold grudges are at greater risk of heart problems and high blood pressure than those who are naturally forgiving, and confirms what Dr. Joe Dispenza says, that simply THINKING about the situation causes higher heart rates and blood pressure! And, even after he’s done “thinking” about it, research shows those risks are even higher!
In 2004, a study of veterans found that difficulty with self-forgiveness is related to anxiety, depression, and the severity of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. Also, difficulty forgiving others is related to depression and PTSD symptom severity, but not anxiety.
No discussion of forgiveness can be complete without talking about forgiving oneself. There are times in everyone’s life when we feel embarrassed or embarrassed about our own behavior. Some of us can forgive and get out of trouble. Others of us will punish ourselves forever. We wallow in shame and guilt and never break free. People involved in 12-step programs are well aware of this scenario. They should take inventory of their mistakes and try to apologize or make amends for the damage they caused. This is a beautiful but painful process.
Shame and guilt are ugly companions. If you hold on to these unattractive couples, I encourage you to let go of them immediately. They don’t make the right mistakes. They serve no one and destroy your own health. If you want to make amends, stay healthy and make a positive contribution to the world.
Forgiveness often begins with personal responsibility and ends with gratitude for the lesson.