The most gut-wrenching and stomach-churning part of the breakup process is always the same: waiting for your ex to make that all-important first contact.

Sometimes it seems that the call will never come. It will seem like your ex doesn’t miss you, doesn’t even think about you and will never text you again.

It’s easy to get desperate, here. You will start to get so depressed that you will want to pick up the phone yourself. You’ll want to do the unthinkable: call him first. What you know, of course, is the worst idea in the world while you’re trying to get it back.

So if your boyfriend hasn’t been in touch, what can you do? Is it so? Or are there really methods and techniques he can use to get you to make that first crucial move in his direction?

After the breakup: a two-sided analysis

First of all, it helps to understand the anatomy of a breakup…from both sides of the story. For both the person downloading and the person receiving, there are bad feelings, bittersweet memories, relief, remorse, and regret.

For the person who initiates the end of the romance, the breakup can be a long-sought relief. Keep in mind that not everyone breaks up at the first sign of trouble, and some couples stay in a bad relationship for too long. Whatever caused the ending was probably the final straw. The decision to end things could have taken a long time, which means it won’t be an easy thing to reverse.

This is why instinctive breakups are always the fastest make-ups. If your ex broke up with you over something small and stupid (a silly argument, etc.), getting him back will be easy. It’s a simple matter of fixing that little problem, or apologizing to the right party, or whatever the case may be.

Although in the end, the person who breaks up with you has all the power. He holds all the cards (for now) and holds the keys that can unlock the door to your past relationship.

On the other hand, the person who was abandoned has NO power. She is the loser in the breakup; Whether she’s been a long time coming or the breakup has just come out of the clear blue sky, the person on the receiving end needs to do several key things before getting back together is possible.

Learning to shift the balance of power in your favor is key here. There are several good ways to do this, but it must be done correctly or you risk pushing your ex in the other direction.

However, both parties will feel pain. They will both feel remorse. Hey, something good has come to an unwelcome end. Think about it. If you were to go back to the early days or weeks of your romance, and bring your ex there as well, do you think either of you would want to leave your relationship? Of course, no.

This is exactly why there is ALWAYS HOPE. No matter what happened to sour the romance and break them up, there is always a way back…a path that leads back to exactly the way things were, regardless of what happened along the way. Yes, even if he cheated on you, or if you were unfaithful to him.

The fastest ways to make your ex miss you

Think about what it takes to miss someone. Can you miss them if they are always there? What if they are always within easy reach, or just a few clicks away on your cell phone?

Not so much, right? Because what it takes to REALLY miss someone is to not see them for a while. Don’t talk to them. Not being able to contact them whenever you feel like it.

This is when you think about someone the most: when you can’t reach them. It’s human nature, really. Just like when you want something the most when you know you can’t have it.

NOW you understand why your ex boyfriend doesn’t miss you right now; You haven’t really left. Your ex knows that you are still in love with him or hanging up on him, and he knows that he can contact you whenever he wants. Instead of missing you, they have a nice comfy breakup safety net. Without even saying much, he’s letting them know that they can get him back in the blink of an eye (or at the touch of a few buttons).

To get your boyfriend interested again, you have to shake his confidence. To make him want you, you need to become scarce. Weird. Valid.

Talking to your ex boyfriend after the breakup

If you made your ex contact you first, good for you. It’s a great sign that he’s missing you a lot, and if you’re looking to get him back, you’re already halfway there. That said, you still have work to do.

But even if you haven’t gotten him to call first? That’s still fine. There are reasons you can use to contact your ex, as long as you have spent the required amount of time without contacting your ex. Yes, this is difficult. Yes, it is painful. But if you want good results when you finally call him? You’ll want to make sure you’ve avoided ALL contact for at least this long.